Something never done.

This is going to sound strange and I hope people don't find this insensitive but today I went into town to buy my boyfriend's dad a birthday card when it occurred to me that this is something I have never had to do before.

Image from Pixabay. 

          My dad died when I was 5, very young, hard to say how its affected me as it's all I've ever known. So because of this I've never been out and purchased something that says 'Happy Birthday to my Dad' or whatever on it. I don't know why and I don't know where this post is going but this thought struck me so much that it stopped me dead in my tracks and I had to write the feeling down (by texting my mum to start with of course).

        I just thought, this shop assistant thinks I'm in here very casually buying a card for my dad who I'm probably going to give this card to and say 'Happy Birthday Dad or Daddy or Pop' or again, whatever people say when in reality its something I can't even remember doing. I know I'm rambling now and this probably isn't interesting to anyone else. The thought didn't actually make me sad either, I was just surprised.  Surprised by my reaction to something I said I would do so offhand and not given it a second thought and also surprised that I hadn't thought of it before. I very suddenly felt thoughtful that we see so many people everyday doing such mundane things yet that could be the strangest thing they've done that day, or something brand new to them or something that for them has been very difficult. Even something so little as buying a birthday card. 

       Maybe a therapist will read this and have a field day, or maybe it will just be the people who normally read my blog (hello, thank you) wondering why I'm rambling on about a birthday card that will be forgotten by the end of the year. 

Thanks for reading my rambling, pointless post. I just needed to get the thoughts out of my head! 

A community that should be proud. #CumbriaIsOpen.

As I'm sure you've all seen Storm Desmond hit parts of the UK this weekend. We're currently living in Carlisle which has been hit terribly by devastating floods throughout the city. Thankfully we haven't been flooded, but the waters came up to the end of our street and we were without power for a few hours. Massively lucky in the grand scheme of what has happened round the city.

8am Sunday. 

What I'm going to write about here isn't about how terrified I was when the rain wasn't letting up and I was checking the severe flood warnings religiously every hour to see if the red line had crept up our street yet, it didn't, it stayed just about 10 metres away, but rather I'm going to talk about how proud the people of Cumbria, and particularly Carlisle (because thats what I've been exposed to) should be about how well the community has come together.
We only moved here in July so looking as an outsider, I can't imagine how it must have been waking up on Sunday morning knowing that your city was under water again, or even worse, watching the severe flood warnings on Saturday and knowing that evacuation and losing so much was inevitable. Following what was happening on twitter there were preemptive offers of places to stay that would be free of floods, people offering comfort to each other and making sure people they didn't even know were safe. It immediately felt like a community gathering even on the internet.
When we got up on Sunday morning we could see the water from our bedroom window and despite it being 6:30am there were people everywhere looking to see how they could help. We were without power but thankfully we had running water. Sam went off for his 13 hour shift at the hospital which his fellow doctor left a flooded flat by boat to get to so he wasn't covering the wards on his own. So I was home alone with no power and no one around that I knew.
I was going to go round and offer hot drinks with water boiled on the hob but someone had beat me to it and there was a steady stream of tea being passed around the people stood looking at the damage and those helping that could, people who had electricity were offering to let others charge their phones to stay in contact with relatives and all the while twitter was still inundated with offers of help and places to stay for people who were stranded. It really was something that Carlisle should be proud of. There was massive devastation throughout the city and yet all people could think about was others.

I have since seen unbelievable offers on the internet of help. I'm linking some here in case anyone in need hasn't heard, and so everyone else can be as amazed as I am about the lengths people and local businesses are willing to go to.

Free hair wash and blow dry for anybody affected.
A rally for all builders/plumbers/electricians/plasterers etc to help where they can. 
Hairdressing seats and equipment for the hairdressers who have been flooded. 
Generous money donations.
Pet sitting. 
Restaurants and cafes taking food to the refuge and community centres. 
Carlisle football team helping those affected. 
Lots of cafes who weren't affected were offering hot food and drink to anyone out on Sunday and Monday.
And more than I could ever list throughout Carlisle and the rest of the county.

The floods around us looked devastating and seemed they wouldn't clear for days because of the huge expanse of water that just looked endless, lots of homes and businesses near us were flooded. I have been amazed at the clean up, in less than 24 hours this was the difference, and by Tuesday morning, only 48 hours after the flood, the road around us was open again.

3pm Sunday and Monday afternoon. 

This has really made me realise how scary nature can be, especially being new to the area and not particularly remembering the devastation in 2005 or 2009, this relatively small place has banded together so impressively and stood up to show that even in the face of such devastation they are proud to be Cumbrian and they will not be defeated. Shops are opening, people are out doing their shopping, neighbours are helping each other with the clean up and the small businesses are the ones offering whatever they can to help.
Be proud of yourselves Cumbria, I am feeling very grateful to be living here with all of you.

#CumbriaIsOpen

Mini Lush Haul/ Advent.

I'm a bit late getting this up because I've been working through some stuff but I hope you'll forgive me! I've only used one product in the first week of December so I thought I'd still publish the post. Let's get to it! This year Sam had the idea that he wanted me to have a Lush advent calendar of sorts, however I felt it would be too indulgent to buy their 12 days of Christmas gift set, which is awesome but slightly out of budget so I was instructed to go into Lush and buy 4 things, one for each week of December. This is what I got!

Milky Bath Bubble Bar. 

I think I've put this on my blog before but it's one of my absolute favourites, it gives off amazing amounts of bubbles, isn't too smelly in that you're sat in a cloud of perfume and is so moisturising. This isn't a christmas special product, I haven't been overly impressed with their selection this year, but I know this one will be an all time favourite. I usually get 2 baths out of one of these. 

Yoga Bomb Bath Bomb. 

Another favourite of mine! Yoga bomb is my perfect Lush scent, I think it's the sandalwood oil in it that I love so much. It's relaxing but uplifting and this unassuming bath bomb is so beautiful when you put it in your bath. I mean, I don't want to ruin the surprise but there are all kinds of swirls of colours that come from this when you drop it in. I've also found that it takes a while to fizz out which makes me feel like you get more from your money. 

Karma Bubble Bar. 

Karma was one of the first products I tried from Lush back when it was just an orange oval. The smell takes me back to school and reminds me of my Mum because she always wore the Karma solid perfume, special request to my Mum, please buy that and wear it again. I don't feel like I can pull off the scent ;).  She gives off much more of a hippy vibe which suits the orange and patchouli in this product. This is the first product that I actually used in the first week of December and I'm not sure if it's because of the new formulation but I wasn't all that impressed by the bubble pay off, this is quite a large bubble bar but I had to use the whole thing to get a decent amount of bubbles. The smell was obviously still amazing and it turned the bath water a lovely rich purple that miraculously didn't stain my bath but I'm not sure I'd get this again. 

Yog Nog Bath Bomb. 

This is the only festive Lush product that I've been really impressed with this year, and I have been really impressed. I think I've bought it 3 times now. This bath bomb is described as smelling like cinder toffee and thats the best description I've heard. It's spicy and sweet but not sickly and it's not just for watching it fizz around and look pretty. There are huge chunks of moisturising Shea butter in there, thats the bright yellow chunk you can see just on the right. It feels like it's doing amazing things for your skin and is so calming, I can't wait to use this one again, if I'm feeling really fancy I'll use half of the milky bath bubble bar as well. Swish. 

Hope you enjoyed this look into what I've bought from Lush for the month of December, let me know if there are any of their festive products that I should be trying, once I can actually get into my bath, I'm currently on crutches but thats for another time! 

Let's Talk: Skincare.

I'm no expert when it comes to skincare and for the longest time that really put me off posting about it at all, but recently I've had a routine that I've really been liking and actually sticking to so I decided to share it, although my advice to always make sure you remove your make up? Buy expensive white bedsheets. I haven't slept with any make up on since we moved! And I used to be really bad for doing that. For serious though, here's what I've been using and enjoying lately. 

First off, I'll talk about what I'm working with personally, I have combination skin that is oily around my T zone and chin, but can get dry around my nose, winning all around. I have suffered with acne in the past and I'd say my skin is quite acne prone, small changes in my life can cause breakouts. Recently I've had this quite under control though.

Here is my no make up selfie, my skin is feeling really clear at the moment and slightly less oily because of the colder weather, I have a small almost unnoticeable breakout on my chin. You can see I'm quite pale and have freckles which often makes my skin look quite an uneven tone with redness etc.  I know that sounds quite negative but overall I'm fairly happy with my skin, i haven't actually worn foundation in over 2 months because I just haven't felt the need/ I'm really lazy and just use concealer where I need it! 

Cleanse::

I was always a make up wipes girl but as I saw more and more about how bad they are for your skin and basically how much money you waste I've really tried to steer clear, Micellar water is way better anyway, I really like this one from Garnier and it's so cheap even without an offer although Boots often does it cheaper. It removes my eye make up really easily and doesn't leave my skin feeling tight if I use it for face make up too. I try remove the bulk of my eye make up with the micellar water and cotton pads before doing a proper cleanse with my Liz Earle cleanse and polish. I do the first step mostly to save the muslin cloths from my copious amounts of blackest black mascara. Oops. Sometimes if I'm being lazy i will do a full face cleanse with the micellar water but it just never seems quite as clean. I love Cleanse and Polish because its so soothing for my sensitive skin but makes it feel really clean and the use of the hot cloth afterwards is a perfect amount of exfoliation. 

Moisturise::

Usually I'm lazy with body moisturiser as dry skin isn't usually a problem for me but with the weather being colder I've noticed more dryness particularly on my legs. I only recently picked up the Aveeno lotion but I have no idea why, a while ago I cared for a patient who had a skin condition, she was prescribed this cream and it worked absolute wonders! I am loving it so far all over my body after a shower, it sinks in amazingly quickly and doesn't leave me feeling greasy. It also has no scent to it so doesn't overpower perfume etc if you use it in a morning. 

For face moisturiser I've sworn by this La Roche Posay moisturiser ever since Rosie wrote about it on her blog ages ago in this post. I use it each morning without fail. I definitely think compared to a lot of skincare products out there it's really reasonably priced particularly as its quite often on offer. This is perfect for my oily skin while still feeling like it's hydrating my skin, it also helps with acne and outbreaks. Wonder product in my eyes for sure, I've been through probably 4 or 5 tubes since February, I just wish they'd make a bigger one! 

Eyes::

This is a fairly recent addition to my skincare, I've maybe had it 2-3 months. I'm 23 so didn't think an eye cream was necessary until i noticed that any concealer i used under my eyes was creasing really quickly. I do think this has helped with that issue although I'm not 100% sold on whether it is worth the price! I do really like the consistency of this eye cream from Kiehl's as it kind of turns watery as you rub it in (using your ring finger only around the eye area as I was taught by my mum) and it feels hydrating but not greasy. I'll use up this pot and then look for something a bit cheaper I think.

Other::

This is the part of my skincare that I'm not sure how to categorise. I had heard a lot about the Serozinc mist from La Roche Posay and since I've loved other things from there I decided to give it a try. This is another one where I'm not quite sure of the benefits just yet as I need to give it a longer go but I've been enjoying it so far. It's a really fine toning mist that i spray on after cleansing containing zinc for acne prone skin. My skin has been the clearest its been for a while recently so hopefully this is to thank for that! 

The Kiehl's Midnight Recovery Concentrate oil purchase has been a long time coming, I got it at the beginning of october when we were in London after putting it in my basket about 7 times through the year on the Debenhams website. According to Kiehl's this product is supposed to help with moisture and radiance working overnight. I love it, I have no idea why, I'm not sure it particularly has made me look radiant but its such a luxurious step in my skincare routine that I've thoroughly enjoyed. Even with my oily skin i haven't found it to be greasy and in fact I think it's helped to combat this a bit. It smells like lavender and other natural oils perfect for the last step before bed. I use it alone because of my skin being oily but Kiehl's say it can be used as a treatment  before applying a night cream if needed. There are also a load of other suggestions of how to use it (bath oil anyone?) on their website. An expensive product that iId definitely say was worth the price tag for me. 

I haven't really mentioned face masks because I spoke about this more in my pampering post. They're something I do depending upon how my skin feels at the time but my favourite ones are Origin and the Sanctuary thermal mask.

Hope you enjoyed this post about my skincare routine, if you have any suggestions for a cheaper eye cream alternative please let me know either in the comments or on Twitter!

15 Favourite Feelings.

Image from Pixabay.

1:: Waking up and realising you have another couple of hours to sleep.

2:: The first bite of a food I've been craving.

3:: Hugs, of all kinds; from my boyfriend, from family, from friends, with animals.

4:: Laughing so hard that my laugh becomes silent.

5:: Hot baths.

6:: Reading the sentence in the book where the title comes from and thinking 'oh I get it, I get why it's called this!'.

7:: Showing someone something you love and them loving it too.

8:: The anticipation of arriving somewhere.

9:: Feeling like I've done a good job / someone else validating that I've done a good job. I know this sounds odd and like I'm looking for a gold star, I can't explain it very well!

10:: Leaving work on the last day before a week (or 2) off.

11:: When the thing I was anxious about turns out to be nothing, I mean I am anxious a lot of the time so this happens quite a lot but it's still something I try to take pleasure in.

12:: Getting into a real bed after I've been camping.

13:: Scribbling all of my thoughts and feelings into a notebook so they get out of my head. Usually so frantically that my handwriting is illegible, then I can't go back and dwell on them.

14:: Crying, when you've really needed it.

15: Radiator warm pyjamas.

This post was inspired by some YouTube videos I've seen, I believe this idea was created by Hank Green and my favourite version of the video is by Claire Marshall.

Premature Wedding Vows.

Today I was listening to the Grace Helbig podcast 'Not Too Deep' when they started talking about seeing dogs in the streets and instantly falling in love with them.
In that moment I realised what the most important wedding vow could be that I have to promise my boyfriend. (We're not engaged and we probably won't write our own vows because, why create more anxiety for yourself?!) I immediately text it to him, I tried to give context but i'm sure I still sounded crazy considering he was at work and we haven't spoken since 1pm.

"I promise, for the rest of my life, to always point out cute dogs in the street that I think you would like." 

So there you have it, a look at the things I find most important in our relationship. 

5 things on the internet.

I'm still waiting to get the camera back so I'm struggling with blogging at the moment, so much of why I wanted to get back into blogging was to improve my photography so often it feels a bit strange for me to blog without the process of photography as well.
Recently I've seen a lot of negativity surrounding the 'online world' with a piece in a magazine about being sick of bloggers and the whole hype surrounding a girl from Australia who is Instagram famous denouncing social media completely for being fake.

I'm not going to lie, I have previously had to have a chat with myself when I tried to take an Instagram worthy post of a mug of peppermint tea when I was ill last week (see below). That was a step too far when I tried to make the fact I had an upset stomach worthy for social media, however, I don't think social media is to blame, we all know that what is shown on social media is a highlight reel, people put their best moments on there and if they don't want to share the bad things, it doesn't mean they're lying about their life. I sometimes tweet about mental health and if i'm feeling particularly shitty but usually I use social media as a place to be positive and really as something for me to look back on to remember good times. If you have Instagram and haven't scrolled back through your feed I urge you to do it soon and see all those moments that at the time you felt were worthy of sharing, no matter how mundane at some point they made you happy.

The peppermint tea picture that didn't make it to my Instagram feed. 

Okay, this took a turn for the serious when all I was going to do was show the things I've loved on the internet for the past few weeks!


// Oh lordy, I was a big fan of Grace back when she had her old channel, I kind of fell out of love with her videos when they seemed to changed from her old style but recently I've discovered them again. I particularly love all of her videos with Mamrie Hart, I love Mamrie, she is everything I wish to be humour-wise. Perfectly pun-y and just the right amount of self-depricating and painfully honest. The HeyUSA series is really worth a watch, so funny.
My Mum is visiting this weekend and i've actually made a playlist of the videos that I know will make us both laugh until we cry, she loves Mamrie too.

// Ella Ceron on twitter. Another funny lady that I often search and scroll on twitter, who else does that? I have a cycle of names that I search on twitter to scroll through their feed if my homepage is a bit dry.

// This. Effing. Dog.  Do I need to say more?!

// I promise I'm not just adding this here because Charlotte included me in her recent 'blog love' post (although thank you!) I have followed her blog for years now. Charlotte's blog was one of the first I found when I previously wrote this blog back in 2012 and has been one of the only blogs I regularly followed in the time when I wasn't blogging. Her writing is everything I wish mine could be, eloquent yet conversational and I don't think there has been a post I haven't loved. This post is my absolute favourite, so much so that I kind of went off on Twitter about it, kind of like a fangirl for a single post if thats a thing. 

// Yoga With Adriene. I think I'm a bit of a stuck record when it comes to Adriene, I can't count the amount of people I've recommended her videos to. How amazing that we have *free* yoga videos to do in the comfort of our own home for any need we may have. I've tried to do yoga every day for the past few weeks, I say tried, its been more like every other day but I'm not beating myself up over it. I always come back to Adriene's videos, there really is one for every mood. You simply have to type into the youtube search box 'Yoga for *blank* and i'm sure there'll be something from her. My particular favourites have been Yoga For a Bad Mood and Yoga for Stress Relief, they're much more gentle practices, which aren't the best if youre doing yoga for exercise, but there are plenty of those videos that will work up a sweat and a shake of the muscles too. 

There we have it, 5 things that make me happy that the internet and to some extent social media is a thing. There is plenty of positivity out there if you look for it, and, as I said before, remember that other people put their highlights out there for the world to see. Try not to compare yourself to that.

A Teatime Conversation.

Sometimes all I need for homesickness is a 20 minute phone conversation with Grandparents.

Here are the highlights:
My Grandad mistook my phone message for one of his bowling friends despite my saying 'Love you' at the end of the message.

My Nanna told me all about my Grandad's latest baking experiment, that she had bemoaned on our last trip home: beetroot chocolate cakes which she begrudgingly admitted tasted beautiful.

I feel so lucky having these amazing Grandparents, they (I'm sure my mum would agree) have been my second parent figure in my life as I've grown up. They have always been the people I would play off against my Mum where some people would do it with their parents, they've been the owners of the house I've threatened to run away to as a moody teenager and they housed me over this summer when I found out Sam and I would be moving across the country and I had to hand my notice in on my flat.

When i'm feeling down or just missing the familiarities of home I always know I can ring them and the most mundane of conversations about their friends new home adaptations of what we're respectively eating for dinner will pick me back up again. They're the holders of wisdom, the feeders (Ringtons ginger biscuits) in my life and the people I've probably cried in front of the most, after my Mum.

I just felt the need to show some appreciation for them as I was on the phone to my Nanna yesterday evening asking for favours even though she's 200 miles away and chatting about tennis even though I've never sat through a match in my life. I don't know where i'd be without them.

And for my Nanna because I'm sure she reads here, this is a more grown up version (I hope) of the poem I wrote you when I was about 6 that I know you have kept. Yes you're still 'as clever as a typewriter.'

Not Fair, Not Safe.

Unable to find original image owner, contact me if this is yours and I will credit/remove.

#notfairnotsafe is a hashtag that has been used on Twitter to campaign against the proposed changes to Junior Doctor's contracts by the government, for a bit of background, although often a junior doctor is thought of as a doctor in their first 2 years (as my boyfriend currently is) they really can be seen as any doctor who isn't a consultant/GP. So, that means the anaesthetist who is first on call for all of the hospital with immense responsibility, a person who has had 5 years of medical school, 2 years of foundation and 1-7 years of further training is a junior doctor. That means this proposals affects A LOT of people. A lot of people are upset about it, many think changes will make things dangerous for patients and doctors. It has been enough to create talks of strikes and to instigate large protests by junior doctors and their supporters, doctors are not people who can be politicised easily. 

If our doctors are overworked and tired, they can't look after patients safely. I am a nurse and I have seen what doctors go through on a long stretch of shifts, both in my professional life and the fact I live with a junior doctor. He has just finished working 30 hours over the weekend and is straight onto a normal working week of Monday to Friday 9-5 (but normally ending at 6-6:30) We haven't seen each other all weekend, we haven't socialised with family and we won't this week because of how exhausted he is and yet Jeremy Hunt proposes that Monday to Saturday 7am to 10pm are social hours of work. Not only is it not fair and not safe, it is ludicrous to think anybody could call those hours social. 

What about the doctors who already can't put their children to bed at night because they're working until 10pm each night who will now be told that is within social working hours? The doctors who haven't seen a Christmas with their family for years. Would an MP be expected to do this?

It is both unfair to the doctors and unsafe for the patients, doctors come into the profession to care for people, this care will be compromised with these changes. The fact that there have already been protests and there are talks of strikes attest to this. Doctors do not take these decisions lightly. 

Please email your MP and ask them to listen to the experts and the public - we want a safe NHS and that means safe working hours for staff. Less pay for more hours to create more weekend cover and a 7 day working week? Like that doesn't exist already. We have already see that the death rates for weekends have been skewed, so there is no legitimate reason for these changes. 

Worth a watch, when a comedian is making more sense than our government then you know things need an overhaul. 

Another hashtag to take a look at is #iminworkJeremy 

You can sign the petition here, where there is also a template for you to email your MP. 

Little Loves #2: London Edition.

Sam and I recently had a week off together, we used the time to spend some time at home visiting our families and having a quick 3 day midweek trip to London. We like to be tourist-y every now and then and we had booked a show before going but ended up seeing 2 while we were there. We had a list as long as our arm of places we wanted to eat, shops we wanted to visit and places we wanted to see. We actually managed the whole 3 days without seeing Big Ben which looking back seems strange but I didn't really need another picture of it!
Getting on with the post, these are a few of my favourite things about our trip to London, they're all phone photos because I'm the kind of person who's paranoid of making locals angry by being an annoying tourist heaving a big DSLR about (there actually won't be any proper pictures for about a month because we ended up leaving the DSLR 200 miles away at my Grandparent's house, gahhh!)  or taking a suitcase on the tube, so we did neither of these things!


The 2 shows we saw. 

We saw Les Mis for the first time and it was amazing, when we saw it there were about 6 stand ins but it really didn't take away from how amazing the show was. I was expecting to get emotional as loads of people said they cried all the way through the second half but I didn't. It was amazing though, the stage work is so good, I wasn't sure how they'd do the barricade and everything but it did not disappoint. On our second night there we decided to try for another show and ended up getting amazing seats for Wicked, we had seen it before last year but it's a show I really feel I could see again and again, I was like a little kid watching it, grabbing Sam's arm at all my favourite bits. My favourite of the 2 was Wicked, Sam's was Les Mis.

The Natural History Museum. 

Last time we were in London it was a weekend and the queue for the museum was absolutely crazy, we put it on our must do list this time because Sam had never been and the last time I went I must have been around 7 or 8. I just loved going here, even the architecture of the building makes it worth a visit, everything is so beautiful and I could have taken a million pictures.

The Breakfast Club. 

As I said before, a lot of what we wanted to do while in London involved eating and we had to have a trip to The Breakfast Club. We went to the one in Soho as it was closest to where we were most of the time, the food here is amazing, and the waitress brought us a whole jug of maple syrup without us having to ask, an all round great experience. I think this was tied with Wahaca for my favourite places we ate, I didn't take a picture of my food from Wahaca though because I was full on hangry when we ate there.

H&M beauty. 

I know this isn't a London exclusive but honestly the selection of beauty products in other stores I've been in has been either non-existent or a tiny range. The H&M on Oxford street was a beauty haven! I can't believe I managed to walk away with only one thing, this green eyeliner/eyeshadow pen. I have become obsessed with this, all I did for this look was basically drew it all over my eyelid, blending it out and blended a darker colour into the crease. In my opinion I think it looks like a lot more effort has gone into it and the green makes it a bit more interesting than a normal smokey eye.

❤

I wasn't sure how to caption this without it being super cringe but really it was just amazing to spend some free time with Sam. We've lived together for a few months now but with shift work and rare days off together it was a complete luxury to spend 3 solid days together just in each others company. We had so many laughs, walked about 15 miles a day, enabled each other to spend far too much and just had a great time. I love this dude.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed a little look into what I enjoyed the most during our trip to London! It's not a good tourist guide because we just swanned around doing a lot of shopping and looking at nice buildings. We always know we're going to go back so we don't feel the need to rush everything and do it all in the space of 48 hours. I really feel like we made the most of all of our time there and enjoyed it to the full though.

Just a quick added note, I'm not really sure how blogging will continue for the next month while the DSLR is 200 miles away (sob) because the reason I wanted to write this blog was to enjoy photography and writing again. That means half of the hobby is missing for me! I'm going to try and do some bits and pieces but otherwise things will be back to normal within a month after we've visited home again.

Personal change and learning to admit to it.

I'm sitting down to write this blog post with no real idea about where it's going to go, so if thats really obvious as you're reading it I can only apologise.

Recently I've been reminiscing a lot about my own personal past, my views, experiences, how I've changed. Things like that. I look back upon my previous self often with sadness and sometimes cringing at the world views I felt so strongly about.
I was the girl who vowed against feminism because I thought it was a dirty word, a movement for man-hating terrorist types who didn't shave and were violent before anything else. I put this down to pure ignorance on my part, I was raised, alone, by a strong woman who always empowers other women before putting them down, so why I thought feminism wasn't for me is something that baffles me completely. I can't even see a point in my life when I look back when my views changed, except maybe learning about feminism from an unbiased point of view during A Level sociology.

The point I'm trying to make here is that I feel that we as people should be able to admit change when it happens to us, especially in the world we live in now where no matter how hard we try to go back and change it a lot of our views will be somewhere on the internet for people to find if they look hard enough. I dread to think of myspace posts i made trying to be the 'cool girl' and saying things like 'i just get on better with men, theres less bitching' or something along those lines.
I've chosen feminism to talk about here but really it could be anything, we obviously have a more idealistic view when we're younger and kind of expect the world to just work in the way that seems the most sensible, as adults we probably compromise our views to what fits the most more often that we realise.

I think this post is quickly taking a self indulgent turn which although I do aim for occasionally I wasn't going for this time! So, back on track, a track that doesn't exist since I'm basically sat here typing my stream of consciousness: change, admitting when we as people have changed, and can we do this?
I think it's brave to admit you've changed, that your views have changed or that you didn't realise your views were offensive to someone etc. You often see people getting called out online for something they've tweeted and jumping right back on the defensive, in my opinion, as long as you're not getting trolled for your opinion I find its far braver and far more helpful to try to understand my someone was offended, thats how we grow as humans, not everyone who disagrees with you is a hater (to the youtuber who blocked me for favouriting a tweet) or a troll. So basically if I say something on twitter that you think could be seen as offensive, I want to know about it, I want to change and grow and not have it make me be seen as flakey or 'not sticking to my beliefs' but changing with the times. I have been vegetarian in the past and let me tell you, it was far more nerve wracking telling people that after 3 years I had decided to eat meat again than it was telling them I was becoming veggie in the first place. It's brave to admit to change and changing your mind, and it's a good thing to have your views changed when people put points across that make sense, so let's embrace it.

Children will freely admit when they've changed their mind about something or even learned something with no fear of embarrassment, I've decided that instead of going through life worried that someone will pull me up on views that have changed I'm going to continue to embrace learning and changing and see it as a strength of character in others and myself.

Thanks for reading if you got through that, and please, if I ever say something on any social media that you think I need to be educated about, do it!

Let's Talk: Pampering.

I know that this is quite a cliche thing to post about in the blogging community but anybody who has been on my Instagram knows I am a dedicated lover of all things relaxation, I have a perfect formula that works for me to have the most relaxing evening possible. They are all very cliche and not very innovative but hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

B A T H E

I know, a bath? For relaxing? Groundbreaking. Hear me out. I feel for a really luxurious bathing experience you have to get your chemistry brain on, I'm all about choosing bath products that I think will work well together and my ultimate favourite combo at the moment is a Lush (who else?) duo.
Ceridwen's Cauldron bath melt.  I can't believe as a huge Lush lover, that I hadn't tried this before, its amazing. I think it's probably the product that I can feel doing the most difference when I use it, it's soothing and moisturising and you can use the little muslin bag with the leftover product in it to wash/exfoliate, it's just so luxurious.
Because I like a bath with bubbles I like to pair the bath melt above with 'Milky Bar' bubble bar, I think I'm right in saying that this was originally an Oxford St exclusive, that's where I got my first one anyway but it's now nationwide! A big yay since I actually now live about 320 miles from London!  The smell of these 2 products combined is just amazing and luxurious and it's guaranteed to relax me.

B U R N

By now I think we've fully established what a candle addict I am, I'm all about midrange kind of candles having yet to venture into Diptyque or Joe Malone, I feel like I would faint if I spent that amount of money on a candle even though I lust after them all the time. Burning in the middle above is a Cowshed 'Lazy Cow' candle which I got as a set of 4 travel size candles in the sale on ASOS at the beginning of this year. I can only find the full size version now. They're designed with relaxation in mind and they smell lovely, exactly as you'd expect, lavender is the main note! I'm also quite a fan of the yankee candle samplers, I don't rate yankee so much as I never feel like their scents fill up the room but the samplers are cheap and cheerful and I always feel like it doesn't matter so much if you don't like the scent as there isn't much of it to burn really. My favourite Yankee scent at the moment is Tarte Tatin. It smells like food, very cinnamon-y but not too sweet.

W A T C H / W E A R

I enjoy making a 'watch later' playlist on youtube and balancing my Macbook on my laundry basket in order to watch it while I'm in the bath, this does vary because often I'll read or watch something on Netflix but I think, apart from having to dry off your hands to skip ads every video, youtube is a good way to go. Vlogs by Lily Pebbles are my particular faves at the moment. 

You mean, not everyone has a dressing gown with their name embroidered onto it? No way. I actually got this dressing gown when I was about 15 and it's about 4 sizes too big for me which of course just makes it lovely and cosy, usually when i'm having a bath i like to pop the heating on just to be a diva and heat up my dressing gown. Again I realise this isn't groundbreaking but it's the little things that make the difference between a bit of pampering and a full pamper evening. I'm also a big fan of slippers and fleece Primark pyjamas.

E A T 

I've always wanted to be one of those people who enjoy herbal teas and has a big collection with all different flavours, every so often I'll buy one to try, force myself to drink one cup and then it gets shoved in the back of a cupboard. I had started to think people were lying about liking tea because I thought they were all so gross. This tea is different, it's a liquorice and peppermint tea from Aldi, I'd picked it up because I'd heard people saying it was naturally sweet and although I don't like liquorice sweets I'd tried the actual liquorice 'stick' thing from an old sweet shop before and enjoyed it. This tea is genuinely naturally sweet and with it having peppermint as well I think it's really settling for your stomach. I know Teapigs do a version but it's so pricey for tea I think I'm going to stick to this Aldi version as long as they keep selling it! It was still about £1.79 for 16 teabags which is about as much as I'm willing to spend I think. This is the mug pictured, I love it. 

The sweet treat here is an Ecclefechan tart, I had never heard of them until my boyfriend's Dad gave me one to try that he'd got from Sainsbury's Taste the Difference range. They're a Scottish buttery sweet tart filled with fruit and nuts, so calorific and so amazing. We actually live close to ecclefechan now and when we visited Scotland a few weeks a go I tried some genuine ones and I have to say (eek!) that the Sainsbury's ones are just as good, I imagine they are made around the area so I hope they're quite genuine. I have to try hard not to eat all of these in one sitting, they're so moreish. Yum! Definitely look out for them, they're on offer with the mince pies (omg, already?) and things in Sainsbury's at the moment. 

P R O D U C T S

I feel this is quite self explanatory, everyone knows you have to do a face mask when you're doing a proper pamper evening. I love this one from Origins, I have oily, blemish prone skin with dry bits around my cheeks, I just won the skincare lottery. This is great for if your skin is feeling a bit gross and clogged up. It does that thing where it dries to a really satisfying dryness where you can crack it by making silly faces, my fave. However even with my oily skin I really do have to moisturise well after using it because it can be quite drying, for that I'll often use the Origins Drink Up Intensive which I bought for my boyfriend but that I know I definitely use far more. He just won't get on board with the skincare routine. ;) 

The second product pictured here is Lush Silky Underwear, I had forgotten I had this until packing all my things to move in July, thankfully even though I must have bought it at least a year ago it's still in date! Lush say that this is a moisturising powder which sounds a bit strange but it contains cocoa butter so I guess they're not lying! For me this feels like a complete princess product, it smells lovely with notes of jasmine and I just think it's a nice added step into a pamper evening. You'll definitely need to hoover up after dusting it all over though, although maybe that's just my clumsiness. 

This one may be a bit controversial but I am passionate about my views on this ;)  Painting nails is NOT relaxing to me and should not be done on a pamper evening. I can't wear nail varnish at work so I rarely wear it on my fingers however I do usually have my toes painted. It stresses me out painting my toes, i can't reach them properly, maybe I have unnaturally long legs or maybe I'm just really inflexible. I always mess up or forget I've done it and put my slippers on so this isn't a pamper evening essential for me, it's something I do when my nails really really desperately need doing and I will put it off for as long as possible. If i didn't hate having my feet touched so much I would probably get Shellac or some other kind of long lasting polish on my toes. 

Hope you managed to make it through this mammoth post, I'm always surprised by how much I manage to write about these things! Thanks for reading :) 

Sense of Self.

Ingrid Nilsen has done a series on her YouTube channel called 'Sense of Self', I love the format of the videos, so far she has done 3 episodes of it with other youtubers. The premise of the series is her exploring their space (with their help) and looking at one thing which represents each of the 5 basic senses. I've found with this series it offers an insight into what someone places around them that means something to them, because to choose their 'item' for each of the categories I really feel it has to mean something. I decided to use the basis of the sense of self series to create this blog post (after a bit of a crisis as to whether it would be plagiarism!) to show you a little more insight into my space and the things around me that I really feel represent me. 

S M E L L 

This candle is just all kinds of awesome, before moving in together Sam and I went to a little boutique style shop in my hometown and found a tiny version of this candle, we picked it up on a whim after both being completely surprised by the smell. Often when we're shopping in a place with scented candles we spend ages sniffing them all and only offering the other one a sniff when it smells particularly bad (TK Maxx is a good place for this game) and I really thought I would have hit the jackpot with this one on the bad scents game but it smells AMAZING. It's really heady and smokey but not in the way I expected when I picked it up, the patchouli adds a subtle earthy scent that I'm really failing to describe properly! After we had sparingly burnt all of the small one and moved 200 miles away from where we originally bought it we were on the hunt for a big version of it.
It turns out paddywax is stocked quite well nationally, Urban Outfitters in store and Beauty Bay online being 2 of the places I've found them but not this scent! After much trawling I eventually found them (for a reasonable price, after seeing them on eBay for about £80) on Amazon, this was in the middle of some trouble i'd been having where my wages at my new job hadn't come through but I immediately ordered 2, thats what credit cards are for, right? Since then it has been the smell of our home together, being burnt regularly but sparingly, the scent fills the room quickly and theres even a hint when the candle isn't lit.

T A S T E 

In my opinion there is no better food than humble peanut butter, I remember my addiction to the stuff starting as a teenager when it was the best snack to have on toast and I was frequently told off for eating it out the jar 'Joey style'. After moving out I definitely went through a phase of doing that or eating just a spoonful of peanut butter since I was an independent laydee who could make her own damn choices but soon realised it wasn't so great for the healthy eating kick i'd been on! I've tried the peanut butters that are all 100% natural and meant to be used as added protein in smoothies etc, and they're good, but they don't serve the proper purpose of comforting, salty spread that I will use anything as a vehicle to get into my face. My current favourite for eating peanut butter are the little aldi crackers pictured above, the cranberry in them adds a nice contrast of sweetness (similar to the peanut butter and jam sandwiches i consumed almost daily as a teen) and I find they're perfect for an afternoon slump snack when needed. I didn't realise I could write so much about peanut butter, and thats with some of it cut out as well!

 T O U C H

 It's no secret that I'm addicted to comfort, I love nothing more than getting snuggled up on the sofa with a cosy throw and lots of cushions, it's the hermit lifestyle that I love. These 2 are my current favourites, the furry one my most recent purchase from Primark, I think it's to make up for not being allowed pets in this house, and the red throw is from Sainsbury's. It's also now on sale (in store only) for half the freaking price I got it for :( Never mind, it was still quite a steal at £25. I've been looking at and longing for more expensive throws from the likes of Anthropologie and The White Company for some time and even though we are a young couple with no pets or children I can't quite bring myself to get them in case of any spillages or clumsiness (on my part) that could ruin something so expensive, I know, that's what being brought up poor does to you! These being reasonably priced mean they can be changed on a whim whenever the next fluffy thing catches my eye, within reason Sam, don't worry!

S I G H T 

This may seem like a strange one, but for my whole life I have been someone who is rarely seen without a book, if I'm going to the hairdressers I often take 2 books in case I finish one while I'm there, i always misplace books in the house because I carry them around with me to read as I'm doing various tasks and I'm going to need to get another bookshelf soon because mine is overflowing a bit. I am a book hoarder, always have been, always will be. When I was younger and only had one room to contain my things in, there wasn't a surface in my room that wasn't covered in books. I don't understand how someone can do the 'one in, one out' policy of buying books, I'm all for sharing the book love with friends and charity shops but I just can not bring myself to do it often! I've had maybe 3 major book clear outs which have gone to the oxfam bookshop but a few months after my last one I accidentally bought a book back that I had previously donated. After that happened I just bought a bigger bookcase so I could keep all my babies safely instead of balanced all over the place. I'm a rereader of books, I've lost count of the amount of times I've read the Harry Potter books, I honestly wish I'd kept a tally somewhere because I think it's in the hundreds, no exaggeration, reading books for me is how some people are with fragrances, they can transport me right back to a feeling I had the first time I read it. I have books I always read around christmas, books I read when I'm feeling sad or happy, there are old books for every mood and yet I'm constantly buying new ones. The top picture is the book I'm currently reading and the bottom picture is my current to read pile, not including 'Girl on the Train' because Sam is reading that. I've mentioned before that I'm doing a Goodreads 'reading challenge' this year because I felt like I hadn't read enough in 2014. I'm doing okay but need to get cracking if I'm going to complete it!

S O U N D 

I am sorry that this post contains yet another picture of my phone on a marble background, I should have really had some foresight into the 'Now Playing' post I just did as it left me stumped for what to do for sound for this post! I don't really have an ultimate favourite artist and my taste changes so much based upon my mood. When I thought about it I thought about an app I've got on my phone called 'Sleep Pillow', this was a lifesaver when I lived in flats when I first moved out alone especially with doing night shifts and having to sleep during the day when there was grass cutting going on around me etc. Its a white noise app with lots of different sounds to choose from, some of them are crap and i would feel completely ruin good sleep but my favourites are the rain and fan noises. Now Sam and I live together I don't need this on every night like I did when I lived alone (I know, I'm so bloody co-dependant) but it's great still for sleeping during the day, either after a night shift or y'know, when napping. I also like it for if I'm working on something and need some noise going on that doesn't distract me like the TV or music does sometimes.

That's me all done with my sense of self post, I have to give all credit to Ingrid Nilsen for the premise of this post, I was so inspired by her videos that I had to give it a go myself. I hope you feel like you've learned a little something about me :)

Now Playing.

 Male Voice Playlist 

I feel like I'm betraying my Queen, Taylor Swift, by using and enjoying Spotify. I've had premium since the beginning of the year when they did a 3 months for £1 deal and I basically just forgot to cancel it! I do love it for being able to create playlists for all moods and activities, usually I go to the mood section and browse for something I might like but recently I've been trying to cultivate my own playlists a little. I'm no DJ and basically the only way I can ever explain why I like a song is 'I don't know, it sounds good?' but this is my favourite playlist of the moment. 'Male Voice.' 

These songs aren't particularly for a certain mood other than wanting a lovely man to sing to you, some upbeat but mostly quite chilled, I'm loving listening to this on the drive to and from work at the moment, some songs to hum along to and some to belt out. I did get caught at the traffic lights getting slightly too into White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons, always fun! 

Who knows if this will be a regular feature, as I say, usually it would consist of me linking other peoples' playlists usually entitled such things as  'songs to sing in the shower' 'twerk it out' or 'easy listening with your morning coffee.' People on spotify can really just hit the nail on the head no matter what mood you're in. 

Thanks for reading :)


YouTube playlist in case you don't have Spotify. 

10 things I need to say about weight loss.

I've been, as my doctor put it, 'actively losing weight' since New Year and with that happening I've noticed an awful lot of social norms seem to go out the window, all of a sudden people can comment on everything about what you eat and how you look, but it's okay because you invited it, didnt you?
Here's a list of the things I've noticed.

1.  If you tell someone you're 'on a diet' (I hate that term but it's for ease here) they immediately start offering sweets and 'unhealthy' items trying to tempt you away from it, would you do that with cigarettes to someone who's stopped smoking? Don't tell people to 'loosen up' and offer them things you know will tempt them, they're probably trying really hard to avoid this and just want support, it doesn't mean you have to give up eating that stuff. Just because your friend is dieting doesn't mean you can't eat a donut, and if your friend shames you for that, they're an asshole, its not because they're dieting.

2. You don't need to lose weight! Don't make me make this uncomfortable and tell you the reasons why, I personally, do need to lose weight. I can get all serious about my self esteem or even my health, its probably not what you want to hear.

3. People become health experts, they tell you why what you're doing is wrong and what you should be doing instead. Everyone has a story about how their auntie's, hairdresser's, niece's dog groomer's son found a miracle weight loss cure that works. Or how they know a nutritionist or a trainer or they've read an article in the Daily Fail that say the next big step to weight loss is drinking 200mls of water heated to 26 degrees with 0.34 teaspoons of honey and a dash of eye of newt. Leave me alone, let me eat my lunch and don't tell me i'm not allowed bread because I'm dieting, I need carbs.

4. Calorie counting is just disordered eating, it makes people obsessive. I have actually had someone say this to me, calorie counting does not work for everyone, I have tried it multiple times in the past and given up because it's felt too restrictive or it made me feel like a failure if I went over my calorie goal, but for some reason, this time it stuck. It's working for me and I like it.

5. People asking if you're allowed to eat that when you're on a diet, or worse still as I found when I was once seen eating a SINGLE DIGESTIVE BISCUIT 'aren't you supposed to be on a diet?' The problem here stems from society's views that a diet is about deprivation, its cutting out joy and taste to become skinny, and it couldn't be more wrong. For me, this is about longevity, I'm coming at you with the hard hitters now, its a LiFeStYLe ChAnGe. Forgive me for using that phrase. 

6. Being accused of body shaming for posting before and after pictures. There’s a lot of controversy around before/afters with regards to body shaming your own body and others who may look like you did in the before picture. I’ve found a lot of ‘real life fitness’ kind of people on instagram have been my biggest motivators, not the personal trainers who sweat green juice but the people who are in the same boat as you but a bit further down the line. The ones who know it’s absolute bullshit that you have to make time in your day that could be used for playing The Sims to exercise but that help you to stick at it because really being healthy is for yourself and no one else. I’ve posted pictures along these lines on my own instagram, above is a picture of me wearing the same dress with a difference in my weight, I put the pictures together for myself as at that stage I was feeling unmotivated and like there were no changes happening. I decided to post it because of the reasons above, maybe it would help someone else who sees that other people are doing the same as them. 

7. People have assumed that I think I’m better than them because i’ve been able to lose weight, I’ve even thought this about other people who are losing weight in the past when I wasn’t. (A kind of fuck you, I’m eating this donut, just try and say anything, like they would have done!) Weight loss is really fucking hard, it sucks, it feels never ending and no matter how much someone says to you to eat less and exercise more that is not how this is about to go down. I stress eat, I eat emotionally that can't be overcome by eating less, moving more. You have to have a change in mindset and I completely understand people who says they're not in a place where they can lose weight right now, i don't think just because its working for me right now (and who says it will continue to work?) doesn't mean i think I'm stronger or have more willpower. Weight loss is really really hard. 

8. Exercise makes you SO HUNGRY. I've spent most of this post complaining about other people when you're dieting, oops, guess i just had some things to get off my chest, but this one, this one is the killer. I am always ravenous after I work out and could quite easily devour £40 worth of dominos in one sitting, I've had to learn to be clever with pre/post workout food (by clever I mean pinterest and instagram are my friends) to kind of make this work for me, but there have been days where I've worked out and being doing amazingly well with my eating all day then ordered pizza. It happens. 

9. Weight does not come off all over the body at the same rate, it just doesn't happen in equal parts. I am an odd shape, I could wear  probably up to 4 different dress sizes in different parts of my body. It's so great. 

10.  Junk food is great, and I will never be one of those people who loves kale, also, dates and raw cocoa powder do not a sweet treat make. I'm sorry. 

This post isn't in any way supposed to offend anyone, I am a big believer in loving your body and accepting what you've got but also (and to completely contradict myself) I think if you want to change it in someway, as long as its safe, all power to you, whether it be through surgery, a haircut or weight loss. This is meant to be a bit of a tongue in cheek view of the things i've noticed since I started losing weight, even though I'm moaning a lot through this over this year I really have had a lot of support so it's definitely not all bad!